The Ultimate Betrayal?

82360ffa1The Ultimate Betrayal?

 

To: Janet

From: Paul

Date: 11 December 2008

 

I do not know what to think, but you do whatever makes you happy because you always do unconditionally.  To be honest I think if children are what you want Jermaine at 36 years old might be a good bet.  To be honest I do not know if I want crumb snatchers.  I am 49 years old and babies are more demanding than you are and you want all of the attention all the time.  Yea the spotlight turns you on.

 

Babies cry all the damn time, sure every man wants children but do they want to help raise one beyond financial obligations?  I do not want to babysit or change diapers or get up in the middle of the night to feed the hungry child.  Personally I would have to hire a full time nanny.  But maybe you miss something in being a real mother or have something to prove, but I do not.  I had to take a road and it was taken and now to look back, will it make a difference?

 

Now a 3, 4 or 5 year old I could get into, but a 3, 4 or 5 months old I cannot handle and I know it.  So I am not going to front, if you are looking for a man to help you raise an infant you got the right person I hope, because I am not the one.

 

You do not have to worry about looking over your shoulders for me anyway.  There are people who might take this as the ultimate betrayal and with them you might have a problem, but I know there are many fish in the sea, all types sizes and colors and if it comes down to money, I know they have to come to me eventually, I know I do not have to beg or chase after money, because the people holding on to my shit cannot survive much longer without my talents and gifts.

 

Now when I came to you in 1991 it would have been all good, but you chose Rene Elizondo, someone with nothing and no prospects, because you loved him for him and did not love me.  You can say you did not know who I was, but you still do not know who he is, so save it.

 

In any case in all honesty, I can take or leave you, you put me through too much bullshit, but what I did had to be done and your bullshit is all about being vengeful.  You call yourself getting even and we can go tit for tat or like I am doing and you already did move on.  So I fucked you over and you fucked me over, so the whole thing is fucked.  But remember you was fucked on Hollywood Boulevard and me a Homeless Shelter, you never knew being in need for anything material or what it is to be alone, so who really got fucked?

 

As for me Janet, I can move on with a clear conscience and if you can do that also, walk on.  I do not have regrets concerning my treatment of you, but can you say the same about me.  If you can live without regrets there is no betrayal just differences and it is simply was not meant to be.

 

Sincerely,

 

Paul

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