With Peace of Mind at Heart

Paul in limo

With Peace of Mind at Heart


All of my life I wanted to be rich and I am talking about financially wealthy.  I wanted to be a millionaire as a child and a billionaire as an adult, because the disparity between the rich and the poor increased.   When I was a child many millionaires existed, now it is about being a billionaire that distinguished you from others as being the rich and elite.  A lot of money meant power and I wanted power, but for what?

I wanted to be rich to give reparations to black people or to serve my family members by giving to them material things?  I wanted to be like Robin Hood and give to the poor, taking poverty away from the seemingly weak?  I wanted to save the world and take the power from the so-called Illuminati as we call them now? This was the fulfilling of the prophecy of the bible as I understood it.  As people called me selfish for wanting to be rich, it seemed to me selfless in nature, because all I wanted was the power to help those who are helpless.  Not knowing I was one of them!

As you can see things did not turnout the way I thought they would, I am 54 years old and still poor and waiting on my big payday to come.  And it might still happen as I recollect my past doings.  But now it is meaningless to me. Material wealth now seems immaterial to me.  The big house does not attract my attention anymore and the big car is out of style.  What matters now is peace of mind, but that was always my goal.  To be at peace with myself, yet I made myself miserable, chasing after the winds of success.

I always thought I was unique in wanting riches, but this is not unique, but certainly having it is.  But to have it does not mean you want it, sometimes the cards are dealt the way they fall.  But this I do not want it anymore, yet I just might receive it, because I never seem to get what I want in life.  Because I am always wanting the wrong things.  But wanting peace of mind, can that be wrong?  Sure! If your duty is to serve those who are in a lower position in life than you are in.  If you must be a leader?

See I had it  made most of my life, because the only responsibility I had was myself and even that I neglected.  All my life I ate the wrong foods, sleep around with the wrong women, hanged in the wrong crowds, all my life this was my reality.  And all my life I wanted to be extraordinarily rich, something no wise man should ever entertain. And it was all for the wrong reasons.  See I wanted to be a fisher for the poor, but if the poor learned to fish he would be poor no more.  This made me no better than the oppressor who repressed my people for hundreds of years.

Now I want out of the game of life.  The game of obtaining material things, I want out of this.  I do not want to fight with authority anymore, but want to be fought for.  I rather be laidback with nothing, then be in a constant uphill battle for something that is temporal.  So I ask myself, did I get old before my time or am I wise at a relatively young age?  Or am I simply tired and in  need of rest.  But the fight back in me I do not need it, because in the absence of wisdom wealth in meaningless.  For who am I to feed the hungry anything other than knowledge that I do not posses myself?  Because I realize I am just beginning to learn for myself within.  A wise man once said, “Everything is meaningless.”  Ecclesiastes 12

The Apostle Paul Castellano


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